Do you struggle with all the diet talk around the holidays? You’re not alone! Follow these three suggestions on how to navigate food and body conversations during the holidays.
The holiday season can bring up all the feels. It can be a time of joy, gratitude, connection, and celebration, as well as sadness, anxiety, and frustration. One moment you’re leaning back on the couch enjoying your pumpkin pie while watching the game, and the next your aunt is going on and on about how she can’t have dessert because it’s „full of sugar“ and she’s „watching her weight.“ Goodbye to enjoying that pie! The holidays can be a breeding ground for diet and weight talk. Everyone is so worried about what they’re eating, whether it fits into their diet, and how they’ll gain weight over the holidays. And everyone loves to vocalize it (probably so they can judge themselves before others can). It’s hard to eat in peace when people are talking about how bad they feel taking seconds of stuffing, or how they’ll have to start that diet tomorrow. It can be hard not to internalize it, too. Thoughts come up like, „Maybe I should start a diet tomorrow too,“ „I guess I’m bad at getting a second portion of this mashed potatoes,“ „Maybe I should’ve skipped the cake too.“ Part of the work is building resilience to be able to say, „Good for you, not for me.“ And part of the work is knowing your options for navigating diet conversations and choosing the best option for you in the moment based on your bandwidth and energy.
Here are some ways to navigate food and weight discussions during the holidays:
1. Remove yourself from the conversation or excuse yourself. If you feel that you lack the bandwidth or energy to set boundaries or speak up, simply remove yourself from the conversation. Get up and leave the room so you don’t have to hear the conversation anymore. A strategic bathroom break (even if you don’t need it) can be helpful. Close the door. Take three deep breaths. Notice what feelings come up for you — maybe frustration or sadness — and allow them to move through you. Give yourself some self-compassion for how difficult it can be to find yourself in these situations of actively trying to distance yourself from dieting and micromanaging your weight. Maybe go outside and get some fresh air. Maybe check in on the kids in your family playing in another room. Maybe go upstairs to a bedroom, if available, and lie down for a few minutes. Ground yourself and your nervous system. Remember your values. Notice how your values align or don’t align with the conversation in the other room. Decide to take action based on your value system, not someone else’s.
2. Change the subject. If you don’t have the bandwidth to set a boundary but still have the ability to stay engaged in the room, try changing the subject. You can still have a conversation, just not about how many calories are in the stuffing. Here are some examples of subject changes you can try for a distraction or deflection: Did anyone catch the final score of the football game? Did anyone watch the last season of [insert whatever series you just finished binging]? I just read this amazing book titled „[insert title].“ Has anyone read it? What podcasts are you into right now? How’s work going? Did I tell you about my trip to [insert place]? Your table looks beautiful. Where did you get those candles? You can switch the subject to anything but diet and weight discussions. Carry a few of these in your back pocket to holiday gatherings if you’d like to use them.
3. Set a boundary. This requires more energy and mental bandwidth, as you may encounter pushback or have to keep reinforcing the boundary depending on the person. There’s an acronym from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that I like to refer to when setting boundaries — DEAR MAN. D: Describe the situation if necessary. E: Express your feelings or opinions about the situation. A: Assert by asking for what you want or clearly saying „no.“ R: Reinforce Speak to the person ahead of time, explaining the positive effects of getting what you want or need. (This second half is often used after you’ve stated the boundary.) M: Mindful — Stay focused on your goals. A: Act confident — Remain effective and confident. Use a confident tone of voice and assertive body language. Make good eye contact. N: Negotiate — Be prepared to give to get. Offer alternative solutions and ask for input. Scale back your request. Focus on what will work. Using this acronym, some boundaries could sound like this: Aunt Phoebe, you talk about how bad you are eating dessert, and I feel like I can’t enjoy my piece of cake. I want you to stop talking about food in my presence as good or bad so I can be present at the table and enjoy the company of our family. Uncle Bob, you’re constantly talking about needing to lose X pounds, and it makes me feel bad about my weight. I would greatly appreciate it if you could refrain from discussing your weight and body size at the dinner table. If you encounter distractions or resistance, you may need to say things like: I would like to talk about (distraction) another time, but right now, I’d like to stick to the topic I’ve brought up. What do you suggest? And if someone is unable to respect your boundaries (which unfortunately happens sometimes — usually with the people who need the boundaries the most), then you can work on other skills like distress tolerance, radical acceptance, resilience, and emotional regulation. Setting boundaries is not easy, but it can be very effective in relationships. I love the quote from Prentis Hemphil: „A boundary is the distance at which I can love you and me at the same time.“ Remember, there’s no right or wrong answer to navigating diet discussions— you can use all three of these suggestions at different times and with different people. Always check in with yourself before responding so you can navigate based on your bandwidth and capacity. Whichever option you choose, shower yourself with self-compassion. It’s hard to steer your own relationship with food and body during the holidays, even when diet discussions aren’t as loud. Be kind to yourself. Remember that you’re not alone in this situation.
What would you add to this list? Tell me in the comments below! For more intuitive eating inspiration, check out the following posts: 5 Tips to Stay Well-nourished This Holiday Season 3 Ways to Navigate Clothes Not Fitting (Without Another Diet!) 5 Tips for Dealing with a Bad Body Image Day The Last Supper Syndrome 3 Ways to Foster a Healthy Relationship with Candy.
